Anecdote - Tear tummy )

- And what you take for insomnia?.
- A glass of wine every hour.
- And then go to sleep?.
- No. But it is not fun to sleep.

Thank husband for what he pulls the blanket with you at night. But it could hang around for whores.

- Dad, I do at school say that my parents are uneducated.
- What is the school, son?.

Lottery - it is not hunting for good luck, it's the hunt for losers.

Angry at my neighbor? .

- You could be the man to surrender to a stranger for a hundred dollars? .
- What have I a prostitute or something? .
- And a thousand would not have surrendered? .
- What have I a fool or what? .

If the horse is telling you you're crazy - hence, the way it is.

The guy escorts a girl home and asks:.
- You can come to you for a cup of coffee?.
- The right not to know, I never invite guys into the house on the first date.
- OK, how about the latter?.

- Dear, if we play a wedding for Christmas?.
- Do not make things up! .

One man to another:.
- I have such a huge part of that I had only two days to go round the car.
- Yes, - said another - and I have had such a machine - not overtake a tortoise.

One beggar to another:.
- You know, last week I found a briefcase full of bucks!.
- This is great! .
- The portfolio was also a visiting card of the person who lost it.
I sent him 50 bucks to transfer appreciated.

In a crowded bus:.
- Young man, you are about a third of me, you that I want?.
- No.
- Well, then go away, others may want!.

- So, my dear, you have to live 30 days.
- Excuse me, Doctor, where you can download srask?.

Winnie the Pooh and Piglet came to visit the Rabbit.
At first they behaved like pigs, and then - like rabbits.

The monkeys live in warm countries, all day long doing nothing, just eat and fuck. The work of the monkeys made ​​a man and now a man fucks a little, and runs all day. In my opinion, we have thrown a monkey.

- Honey, I forgot to buy bread. Go?.
Returned after 15 minutes with a baguette and a bottle of vodka.
- Honey, you would not believe! .

The patient came to the doctor and complains of illness.
The doctor him.
- Soooo, now swallow these screws....
The patient swallows. writhing all. Pain wild.
- What is pain?.
- N * Vasche zdets how painful!.
- So, it is clear - an allergy to wood screws.

- Girl, what are you doing tonight?.
- Starling.
- What a birdhouse!?.
- Like what? .
- Sorry, but I would like to invite you to the movies.
- Well, invite.
- Girl, let's tonight we go to the movies.
- I can not.
- Why?.
- And in my home unfinished birdhouse.

The husband comes home and sees a piece of wallpaper peel on it with a trembling hand a note: ' Lunch in a washing machine. Went to a psychiatrist '.

- Let's toss in Japan, Shoigu take off, relax.
- Do not Shoigu and geisha!.

- On the ' x' begins with ' D' ends, and all in the hair. Who is it?.
- Hemingway, right?.
- Yes, you knew.

All men, from Monday throw drink!.
What are you, Petrovich? .

If you dream that you are lying on the bed, drunk, in shoes, and standing next to a woman in curlers and screaming that some pigs get drunk again, and you're it - leave me alone, let me sleep, and she - no, when will it all end, .

- His stomach - as a blow!.
- In a sense?.
- Below the belt!.

sms- message: Bob, stop chatting call grandpa old goat - he figured you about ip. grandmother.

Yesterday, a friend, having failed to prove that she is not stupid hysterical, stupid staged a tantrum.

Tsvetochkinu psychiatrist colleague was diagnosed with ' schizophrenia ' and placed.
in a hospital ward.

Dark quiet night Tsvetochkin got out of the room and showed the unfortunate.
colleagues in the difference between schizophrenia and manic psychosis.

News of the day:.
The ISS has broken computer that is responsible for the orientation of the astronauts.

Two lesbians talk:.
- Tanya, you know - I was drawn to something on the men!.
Second, in disgust:.
- Masha, you're - P * RAR!.

The journalist was selling her virginity for 20,000 dollars.
After seeing the photo, the buyers paid 100, which would no longer.
offered! .

At the World Championships for the grand prize of modesty took the participants from Israel, which occupied the last place.

The day before the resignation of Putin calls Fradkov:.
- Listen, Fradkov! .

Against the backdrop of a soccer loss caring government to resign was not seen.

The Stabilization Fund provides confidence that long will that stealing.

There are two other an optimist and a pessimist.
The pessimist complains:.
- Life is shit, his wife - shit, gavnoedy children, work full - shit.
go and hang myself.
Optimist, comforts:.
- Everything in life is not so bad, you just have to look at life with.
optimistic, it is very easy, so for example, I work for the baker, the work.
heavy, monotonous, bring a little money, and in the morning at work, take.
into the hands of a fresh loaf of bread, inhale her scent, and you know that do not live.
in vain, helping people, and they are grateful for your work and your life will mean.
not in vain. And who are you working on?.
pessimist:.
- Vacuum.

- Girl, and someone told you that you are very beautiful!.
- No!.
- That damn what all honest.

Over the past week the City of Moscow prostitutes went on calls 458 times, including once in 402 dwellings, 50 times in the enterprises and organizations, 6 times on false calls.

...

Recently in Tajikistan was built factory, which makes the candy out of nothing. And so all sorts of things, but ...

- What a rascal that Rabinovich! .

wife:.
- I've heard that have to do surgery to rejuvenate. Two thousand dollars - and you're twenty years younger.
husband:.
- Yes? .

There are two men:.
- How are you?.
- Yeah you know me, I believe, started the reverse bleeding!.
- And this is?.
- You know, my wife used to pat on the head - I have a member of the stands, but now only a member of touches - hair on end!.

Most good morning. Got up, washed, drank coffee and went home.

Not so scary to see the groom before the wedding dress of the bride, as it logs icq communication.

- What kind of stringed instrument is the loudest?.
- Women's ass. Do not believe - pinch!.

Baked scones with raisins wife. Delicious, warm.
I'm sitting at the TV, enjoy scones with tea.
Swim with a bathroom, a stark naked woman goes. Wiping the head with a towel, with an innocent expression on his face asked:.
- Well, how do you like my Lohmann.
My jaw just dropped in boiling water is not.
Well, I told her:.
- Listen live together for eight years, of course like to.
She - What are you.
I - And are you talking about.
Well, I did not know that the Hebrew will roll Lohmann.

- Imagine, my brother came back yesterday from a prison with barbed wire.
- What is served?.
- Unwind.

News of show business.
Drunken Irakli Pirtskhalava never really could introduce.

- The wife, now this apartment into a traveling circus! .

The Romanian authorities have banned drivers get behind the wheel while intoxicated. Now, drunk drivers account for the Romanian stand to drive.

Who will wear to the carnival?.
- Shrek.
- Mask bought?.
- Not yet, but you will be whom?.
- Belle!.
- Mask bought?.

- Oh, and what he is afraid of banks with horseradish?.
- He has a persecution complex.
- What is it?.
- It seems that hell knows!.

- And here I am currently on the car windows set.
- And this is?.
- I do povyshibali glass, I pulled the bags and.

- And here you have that side of the fence?.
- Bowling is built!.
- What's his name and middle name?.

Yesterday was detained at the border with a van smuggling silicone.
Hundreds of ordinary women remain common indefinitely.